Busy

All I wanna do is keep busy. That takes my mind off of so many things, but there's never anything to do. Having nothing to do just makes me think all day, and I hate thinking, because one thing just leads to another.



Today, all that lingered through my mind was the relationship I have with my boyfriend. I'm happy, but then at the same time, I look at other couples and find myself trapped within the walls of jealousy. I see how much pride they hold in being together, making sure to shout it out to the world. And that's what I want. I'm jealous of the relationship that they have, and I long for the relationship I don't have. Don't get me wrong. We have an amazing relationship. I love being with him. I want to be that someone he can show off. I feel like the complete opposite of that. It makes me feel alone. I always have, even with my past relationship. I keep my mouth shut, because sometimes, even when you try, you can't change anything. You just bear with it. You live with it. Maybe I'm just in over my head..

I really don't know what the deal is. I never knew what it was. Is it me? The way I look, the way I carry myself? Am I really that embarrassing to be with?

I really don't know..

Either way, I'm sticking around.
Because he's my best friend.
Because he makes me happy.